Yup, you read it right - “Briditis” taking from the words “bride” and “itis.” No I am not suffering from any inflammation. But I think that the wedding preparations are giving me some weird symptoms of an unknown illness. To illustrate, after our engagement, Ayi and I started mapping out the things we need for the wedding. From then on I always see myself too drawn to every wedding material around. What do I mean? Magazine stands didn’t mean a thing to me ever since. I like books better. But now, I will never pass by any magazine stand without looking at the bridal mags they offer even if I don’t really intend to buy them. My sister and an officemate were kind enough to lend me five magazines, and I’d say it’s more than what I really need. I always linger in malls these days looking for stuffs that I can link to our wedding preps like cloth shops (this one is really new to me – looking for shantung, organza, gazar, thai silk and all..haay ano daw?), bookstores (looking at wedding books or looking for special papers), jewelry shops or accessory shops (for nice wedding trinkets and rings of course!), specialty shops (candles, lamps, chimes, boxes, pouch bags, etc.), departments stores (looking through kitchen, bathroom, bedroom or living room stuff), bakeshops, boutiques, shoe stores and yes furniture shops! Grabe na ‘to! The funny thing is even if I’ve found the right suppliers for most of the major stuff we need, I still couldn’t help but linger to these places still. "For what?" you may ask, wala lang. I just find joy looking through these things that were not important to me months back.
Another symptom is going through my checklists every day, as in literally day in - day out! I have this clear book where I keep all checklists, contracts, receipts and even if I knew that nothing has been added to it, I still look at them each day. I have three bridal yellow pages (one I bought and two from wedding fairs) and a wedding primer. I have a folder of wedding information as fruits of my addictive net-surfing (thanks to my friend google..haha), from wedding ethics to reception suggestions to bridal paraphernalia.
The weirdest thing that I have been experiencing lately is having dreams either about the wedding or about Ayi and me having major fights that lead to exchange of threats to call the wedding off!
I wake up with these wedding thoughts and details flooding my mind and I sleep at the end of the day with the same mental state. Whew, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I am slowly losing my equilibrium!
At work, I am always tempted to call suppliers when a thought about a wedding detail got into me. I write ideas on a small sheet of paper as soon as something pops in my head not realizing I almost consumed half the ream of my memo pad!!!
There was even a time when I spent nights crying because of self-pity. I felt that the only person in the world who cares about this preparation is ME! This even became an issue between us (Ayi and me). My family didn’t seem to care about it, my fiancé didn’t or at least seemed not to, and my friends, so-so! It was only after Ayi spoke to me that I came back to my senses. People cared but they didn’t have to spend every single of the day to let me know they are there for me, so he said.
The other nights I spent crying because I was so afraid about the thought of our marriage not working out like most horrible stories I have heard from people close to me (which reminds me, I have to follow-up our pre-marital counseling!).
On the contrary, the first few successes of closing a deal with suppliers sent my spirits high. I can’t seem to contain myself that I end up blabbering to my family and some friends as if they care to know about these details! Later did I realize that although they are happy for me, it really isn’t necessary to have them listen to all these nitty-gritty. Excited lang naman ako, eh.
On weekends, I do not fail to go to an internet shop to check the tons of mails I get from the email group of soon-to-weds (hi to w@w group!) I have just signed in. Seeing the exchange of messages excites me because at least now I have found people who share the same feelings of excitement and frustration, plus I get to get cool ideas and supplier referrals directly from past brides and bride-to-be’s. Addict na nga ako sa internet shops! (Poor me I do not have a PC at home to tinker on!)
The most difficult part I had to deal with is the feeling of emptiness every time I come home late at night. It’s not something new to me having lived independently for close to two years now. But after the engagement, Ayi’s absence just seem to bring such gloom to my nights. Ayi is so busy with work and the only time we update each other with the wedding preps is during my day-off where we get to be together for barely three hours! (Huhuhuhu) I wasn’t like this before believe me. Imagine spending three years in a long-distance relationship, I must be crazy not to cope up now.
Well, it could’ve been a real case of briditis. I would rather call it that than think that this wedding preparation is slowly making me “nutts.” Ayi wouldn’t want to marry someone who is psychologically unbalanced – tee-hee…that’s scary.
So to all the bride-to-be’s out there, or my friends who will be experiencing any of these symptoms in the future, I would appreciate some reassuring words that I am indeed just N-O-R-M-A-L! It would help to know that these fluctuating moments of jitters and excitement just gives meaning to the so-called WEDDING BLISS!
