My Challenging Moments & Wish List

In the span of close to three months trying so hard to work on the preparations (only as time permits), I have had quite a number of “challenging moments” that made me realize how the biggest to slightest detail of this wedding can become a real test of character. It is also with these situations where I learned to face the reality that indeed, not all dreams come true.

During our first stage of preparation, we pencil booked with a deluxe hotel in Makati. Yes, we both dreamt of having a once-in-a-lifetime wedding grandeur! But I never expected that a place that speaks highly of their excellent service will be our major cause of disappointment. I wouldn’t want to spend a fortune (defined as a lifetime savings of two average income earners) and be treated as the least among the least priorities. It’s not that I expect to be treated as a VIP. But hey, this just happens to be one of the most important days of our lives and I guess making us feel “important” at this point in time isn’t too much to ask.

Well, more than our distasteful brief interactions with their staff, we were faced with another major consideration. We were caught in the middle of choosing between having such a posh celebration with trimmed guest list or pushing through with one that is not as “grand” but with double the number of guests. After all, I have been enthralled at how such a BIG family (as Ayi’s) maintains their strong ties. So why not make everyone of them join us in this once in a lifetime event. Believe it or not, but it took me days to convince my soon-to-be hubby to proceed with option two.

So off that dream go. But what do you know, the Lord has every reason to bring us to situations that would turn out better than what we thought was best for us. With our second plan, we got a place that is close to a “hotel” ambiance plus we got to book with our church where we really want to hold our ceremony. This wouldn’t be the case should we opt to go with plan A because we don’t want to hold the ceremony in a venue far from the reception (i.e., Ortigas to Makati).

Well, our dilemma did not end there though. Thinking that Saturday is the best day to hold THE day, we were surprised to find out that our church uses the worship center even during Saturdays prompting us to move the date to March 18 which is a Friday. Okay so there goes our worry of having less guests considering that most would be coming from work by then. By the way, this is the third time we have changed the date. It is my dream to hold it on January 7 which is the same date as our anniversary but since Ayi’s parents are only coming home by March to attend Jon’s (younger brother of Ayi) graduation, they requested that we hold it close to that day. There goes another one of my dreams.

To top off my challenging list was my prenuptial photo shoot experience, tapping the services of a “friend” as our photographer. Among the preparation activities, I thought this one would be the most exciting. Well, it surely sent my blood pressure to rise. Unfortunately, not because of excitement rather by irritation. Oh well, my friend treated us like one of his friends alright, a friend who asked for a “pakisuyo” that is, or at least that’s how his services appeared. Mind you, we paid this “friend” the full amount even before the output were released to us. So I guess that far qualifies it from just a request. I transacted business as a client cum friend but to my horror, all we got was a display of un-professionalism to the strongest sense of the word! I just hope the disgust weren’t as obvious in the photos.

Of course given the fact that we have to work on a budget (which is not too tight, I thank God), some things I would’ve WANTED (take note “wanted” not “needed”) to have just have to let go. For one, I would’ve hired a wedding coordinator who would assist me with every wedding detail, some things that I just couldn’t afford to do given my limited time availability. This person would have a name or place in mind in a flick of a finger whenever I need reputable suppliers with excellent service, and of course act like my “superwoman” during my moments of frustration. Then of course I would’ve wanted to spice up the food choices by also adding “meat carving” or having a “chocolate fountain” or a 5-tiered fondant cake or a cupcake tree or even an ice-cream station. I would’ve visited designers like Rajo Laurel, Patis Tesoro, Njork, Dita Sandico-Ong and other high-end bridal gown experts. For hair and make-up, I would definitely like to try Patrick Rosas or Propaganda Artists or Fanny Serrano (why not?) or Jessi Mendez. I would’ve chosen that beautiful shoes I saw in a bridal magazine by Lila Almario. Then had I been given a PC to tinker as I go home every night, I would’ve created our very own website (with the help of some techy friends I know). I would’ve booked with well-known photojournalists who can do a thousand and one prenuptial photos for Ayi and I. I would’ve created a photo gallery at our reception site. And my list goes on…

But on the whole, I realized that my wedding preparations will not be as fulfilling had I not experienced all these challenges. Infact, all the time we (my husband-to-be and I) went visiting places to meet suppliers, canvassing wedding stuff from QC to Recto to Quiapo to Divisoria in the middle of a scorching heat, was for me a time well spent together. So then, when the FINAL day comes, we will be filled with so much pride that finally, our dream wedding came true. For what matters most are not the things that spruce up this much-waited event but the LOVE that we have put into all these together.

New Life

Five months from now, I will be embracing a new life together with the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, all I can hope for is that the Lord will magnify His presence to our lives even more.

The wedding preparations have so far given us both a chance to reveal our innermost thoughts on the kind of "celebration" we have each envisioned. What's more important, through our planning stages, we get a glimpse of each other's disposition in as far as how we envisioned the kind of "family relationship" we desire to have.

True, our different preferences surfaces once in a while but it is through this time that we have revealed our respect for each other in greater depths I never imagined. I would agree with what most people say that wedding preparation is indeed a test for the couple's commitment for an enduring love. It is where patience, honesty, selflessness, and trust are better exercised. It is altogether an "equipping" moment for us.

A friend of mine has given me such a wonderful write-up that speaks about the kind of life that awaits an enthusiastic wife-to-be and husband-to-be like Ayi and I. Allow me to share it with you.

A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP

by Rev. Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married,share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see asfaults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.