Sunday, December 26, 2004

Our New Home

God is indeed a faithful God. Few weeks back, Ayi and I went to see his barong maker at Megatrade Hall where they were holding this Christmas bazaar. Since the person we were suppose to see was not yet around, Ayi and I strolled in the other Hall just to see what they were having. We happened to see a Furniture Sale mostly from the northern provinces. I don't know what got into Ayi that he just wouldn't let go of this opportunity to purchase the "sala" set even without a place to store them to. Oh by the way, we both have been really fascinated by wooden furnitures. We found one that is relatively cheaper than those we have seen and it's made from mahogany. It has an oriental design. To top it off, my husband-to-be also wanted the dining set to match the "sala" set. Oh boy, this is the first time I have seen him so obsessed with something (aside from me, haha!).

Guess what? We asked the owner if we could purchase the set with a deferred delivery date just so we could lock the exhibit price. Of course he agreed although it would be a bit of a hassle with them considering they need to bring it back to Isabela again (where the furnitures were made). Well, we claimed God's faithfulness and provision that by mid January, we would have a place where these can be delivered so that was the deadline we set with the owner of the furnitures. The week that followed, we were led into doing ocular visits to various locations where we could possible rent and in just a few days, the Lord answered our prayers. We got a place, a 1-bedroom, in Kapitolyo, just a block away from where I am currently renting. It was within the budget we prayed for. It isn't as beautiful and as spacey as I envisioned but well, the environment and the proximity was exactly as we prayed for. So there, I trusted the Lord and He gave me what I prayed for just in time. The furnitures would be delivered next week! Few weeks earlier than our deadline. What a mighty God we have!

Sunday, November 21, 2004

What Matters Most

We have just started our premarital counseling with our church Pastor and wow, what a tremendous discovery. Our first session started with the "5 Languages of Love." This is where I learned that the reason why sometimes Ayi and I just could not connect is because we have an entirely different primary "love language." Mine is "words of affirmation" and Ayi is "acts of service." No wonder we end up frustrated despite each other's effort to express our love at times. Now I understand that for our relationship to work best, I must try to meet his need by using "his primary love language" (while I expect him to do the same thing of course..hehe).

Our second session talked about motivation for marriage and marriage readiness. Funny thing is, prior to the test (yup, there was a test), I had some weird thoughts in my head that I might flunk the questionnaire and end up discovering I am far from ready. Haha! Guess what, Ayi and I both got 100%!!! Our Pastor even remarked that this is far better than getting a perfect score in school tests.

Well, for the third session "God's Blueprint for Marriage" was explained to us. This is the biblical foundation for marriage, magnifying God's major role in the life of a married couple.

For the very first time, Ayi and I were confronted with the questions "Do you consider Len/Ayi as a gift from God?," "Give me five reasons why you want to marry Len/Ayi," etc. There were some words uttered and heard for the very first time and it felt really great (remember my primary love language! hah!). It increased our confidence in our relationship and it opened our eyes (and hearts) to the major aspects of marriage.

We have several sessions to follow including the "temperament test" and the more we face the reality of this new life we are about to tread, the more we felt the Lord's hand preparing the way for us.

The planning and preparation for the wedding occupied my thoughts for months now (even made me crazy sometimes). Well, God has its way of putting things in its proper perspective. Now I realized that a few hours of regular reflection and prayer for something that will last a lifetime is far too valuable than spending six months of our time preparating for a five-hour affair. Indeed, OUR upcoming MARRIAGE matters more than every effort exhausted in making the wedding celebration go perfect.

We are just as excited to finish all the rest of the sessions with our Pastor. It's wonderful to be spiritually and emotionally equipped before embarking such a milestone in our lives.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

A Case of BRIDITIS?

Yup, you read it right - “Briditis” taking from the words “bride” and “itis.” No I am not suffering from any inflammation. But I think that the wedding preparations are giving me some weird symptoms of an unknown illness. To illustrate, after our engagement, Ayi and I started mapping out the things we need for the wedding. From then on I always see myself too drawn to every wedding material around. What do I mean? Magazine stands didn’t mean a thing to me ever since. I like books better. But now, I will never pass by any magazine stand without looking at the bridal mags they offer even if I don’t really intend to buy them. My sister and an officemate were kind enough to lend me five magazines, and I’d say it’s more than what I really need. I always linger in malls these days looking for stuffs that I can link to our wedding preps like cloth shops (this one is really new to me – looking for shantung, organza, gazar, thai silk and all..haay ano daw?), bookstores (looking at wedding books or looking for special papers), jewelry shops or accessory shops (for nice wedding trinkets and rings of course!), specialty shops (candles, lamps, chimes, boxes, pouch bags, etc.), departments stores (looking through kitchen, bathroom, bedroom or living room stuff), bakeshops, boutiques, shoe stores and yes furniture shops! Grabe na ‘to! The funny thing is even if I’ve found the right suppliers for most of the major stuff we need, I still couldn’t help but linger to these places still. "For what?" you may ask, wala lang. I just find joy looking through these things that were not important to me months back.

Another symptom is going through my checklists every day, as in literally day in - day out! I have this clear book where I keep all checklists, contracts, receipts and even if I knew that nothing has been added to it, I still look at them each day. I have three bridal yellow pages (one I bought and two from wedding fairs) and a wedding primer. I have a folder of wedding information as fruits of my addictive net-surfing (thanks to my friend google..haha), from wedding ethics to reception suggestions to bridal paraphernalia.

The weirdest thing that I have been experiencing lately is having dreams either about the wedding or about Ayi and me having major fights that lead to exchange of threats to call the wedding off!

I wake up with these wedding thoughts and details flooding my mind and I sleep at the end of the day with the same mental state. Whew, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I am slowly losing my equilibrium!

At work, I am always tempted to call suppliers when a thought about a wedding detail got into me. I write ideas on a small sheet of paper as soon as something pops in my head not realizing I almost consumed half the ream of my memo pad!!!

There was even a time when I spent nights crying because of self-pity. I felt that the only person in the world who cares about this preparation is ME! This even became an issue between us (Ayi and me). My family didn’t seem to care about it, my fiancé didn’t or at least seemed not to, and my friends, so-so! It was only after Ayi spoke to me that I came back to my senses. People cared but they didn’t have to spend every single of the day to let me know they are there for me, so he said.

The other nights I spent crying because I was so afraid about the thought of our marriage not working out like most horrible stories I have heard from people close to me (which reminds me, I have to follow-up our pre-marital counseling!).

On the contrary, the first few successes of closing a deal with suppliers sent my spirits high. I can’t seem to contain myself that I end up blabbering to my family and some friends as if they care to know about these details! Later did I realize that although they are happy for me, it really isn’t necessary to have them listen to all these nitty-gritty. Excited lang naman ako, eh.

On weekends, I do not fail to go to an internet shop to check the tons of mails I get from the email group of soon-to-weds (hi to w@w group!) I have just signed in. Seeing the exchange of messages excites me because at least now I have found people who share the same feelings of excitement and frustration, plus I get to get cool ideas and supplier referrals directly from past brides and bride-to-be’s. Addict na nga ako sa internet shops! (Poor me I do not have a PC at home to tinker on!)

The most difficult part I had to deal with is the feeling of emptiness every time I come home late at night. It’s not something new to me having lived independently for close to two years now. But after the engagement, Ayi’s absence just seem to bring such gloom to my nights. Ayi is so busy with work and the only time we update each other with the wedding preps is during my day-off where we get to be together for barely three hours! (Huhuhuhu) I wasn’t like this before believe me. Imagine spending three years in a long-distance relationship, I must be crazy not to cope up now.

Well, it could’ve been a real case of briditis. I would rather call it that than think that this wedding preparation is slowly making me “nutts.” Ayi wouldn’t want to marry someone who is psychologically unbalanced – tee-hee…that’s scary.

So to all the bride-to-be’s out there, or my friends who will be experiencing any of these symptoms in the future, I would appreciate some reassuring words that I am indeed just N-O-R-M-A-L! It would help to know that these fluctuating moments of jitters and excitement just gives meaning to the so-called WEDDING BLISS!

Friday, November 05, 2004

Barong Hunt for Ayi and Our Wedding Cake

After waiting for Ayi’s availability for weeks, finally we managed to schedule a time to go to DIVI! At this early, we bought Christmas gifts and some wedding paraphernalia so we wouldn’t have to agonize with the tons of people flooding the place during this merry season. Part of our agenda was to look for gifts for emcees and entourage, packaging for souvenirs, (freebie na kasi ito c/o MIL-to-be) scout for entourage barongs and to look at the possibility of finding “the barong” we wanted (for Ayi of course).

By the way, we visited Angelo’s Barong in QC weeks back and we also visited a stall in Shoppesville, Greenhills. Apparently, we found the same materials in this stall that were a bit cheaper than that of Angelo’s and we were somewhat convinced that this is going to be the place we will revisit next year. But then I happened to see a barong in one of the bridal magazines I have at home and Ayi just loved the style (not the embroidery but the style itself). Hay naku, there’s not much choices lang naman with barongs so why not career-in na lang namin ito. So when we visited Divi, we were scouting for that same kind. We were able to see some similar barongs alright but I am not too happy pa rin. So we just proceeded with our other agenda.

On our way home, we decided to drop by this tailor shop that I’ve been passing by for months just to take a glimpse of what they have to offer. We were surprised to see the style that we were looking for! Galing-galing! They do not have the exact embroidery that we wanted so we have yet to hear from the branch manager for the costs of the embroidery we specified. But more or less we are strongly considering this supplier for Ayi’s barong. Whew! Mas matindi pa ang barong hunt n’ya than my gown! Anyway, I’ll write a separate kwento about my gown.

After visiting this shop, we happened to pass by this cake shop also near my place. It was a newly opened bakeshop. We do not intend to spend so much on this because we know that this cake will only be used for “pictorial’s sake” and of course for the traditional “cake-cutting.” So when we spoke to our caterer we agreed to just simply have what they offer in the wedding package and just upgrade it to fondant as Ayi wanted (for an additional cost of course). Ako kasi hindi particular dito. So anyway, we entered the shop just to see what they have to offer (as in wala lang). The owner of the place who makes the cake herself came to entertain us. So we browsed through her catalogs, Ayi so actively asking and commenting about “gum pastes”, cake types, etc., etc, until we realized we were already selecting what we wanted. I told her that I do not want fresh flowers on the cake but I want it to be decorated with purely flowers (no butterflies, no other décor). So namimili na ako! After verifying some costs, and Ayi haggling for free add-ons, we closed a deal! And it’s a 5-tiered floral fondant cake!!!! Yahoo! At least one of my wishes came true this time.

Well, again, it was worth our time together for the wedding preps. To top it off, we even found a place to buy Ayi’s shoes, purely leather at such reasonable price (factory price actually!). Wow, it was such a fulfilling day for us both. We ended really very happy that we treated ourselves to a hearty dinner after. Super worth the “pagod.”

Monday, October 25, 2004

My Challenging Moments & Wish List

In the span of close to three months trying so hard to work on the preparations (only as time permits), I have had quite a number of “challenging moments” that made me realize how the biggest to slightest detail of this wedding can become a real test of character. It is also with these situations where I learned to face the reality that indeed, not all dreams come true.

During our first stage of preparation, we pencil booked with a deluxe hotel in Makati. Yes, we both dreamt of having a once-in-a-lifetime wedding grandeur! But I never expected that a place that speaks highly of their excellent service will be our major cause of disappointment. I wouldn’t want to spend a fortune (defined as a lifetime savings of two average income earners) and be treated as the least among the least priorities. It’s not that I expect to be treated as a VIP. But hey, this just happens to be one of the most important days of our lives and I guess making us feel “important” at this point in time isn’t too much to ask.

Well, more than our distasteful brief interactions with their staff, we were faced with another major consideration. We were caught in the middle of choosing between having such a posh celebration with trimmed guest list or pushing through with one that is not as “grand” but with double the number of guests. After all, I have been enthralled at how such a BIG family (as Ayi’s) maintains their strong ties. So why not make everyone of them join us in this once in a lifetime event. Believe it or not, but it took me days to convince my soon-to-be hubby to proceed with option two.

So off that dream go. But what do you know, the Lord has every reason to bring us to situations that would turn out better than what we thought was best for us. With our second plan, we got a place that is close to a “hotel” ambiance plus we got to book with our church where we really want to hold our ceremony. This wouldn’t be the case should we opt to go with plan A because we don’t want to hold the ceremony in a venue far from the reception (i.e., Ortigas to Makati).

Well, our dilemma did not end there though. Thinking that Saturday is the best day to hold THE day, we were surprised to find out that our church uses the worship center even during Saturdays prompting us to move the date to March 18 which is a Friday. Okay so there goes our worry of having less guests considering that most would be coming from work by then. By the way, this is the third time we have changed the date. It is my dream to hold it on January 7 which is the same date as our anniversary but since Ayi’s parents are only coming home by March to attend Jon’s (younger brother of Ayi) graduation, they requested that we hold it close to that day. There goes another one of my dreams.

To top off my challenging list was my prenuptial photo shoot experience, tapping the services of a “friend” as our photographer. Among the preparation activities, I thought this one would be the most exciting. Well, it surely sent my blood pressure to rise. Unfortunately, not because of excitement rather by irritation. Oh well, my friend treated us like one of his friends alright, a friend who asked for a “pakisuyo” that is, or at least that’s how his services appeared. Mind you, we paid this “friend” the full amount even before the output were released to us. So I guess that far qualifies it from just a request. I transacted business as a client cum friend but to my horror, all we got was a display of un-professionalism to the strongest sense of the word! I just hope the disgust weren’t as obvious in the photos.

Of course given the fact that we have to work on a budget (which is not too tight, I thank God), some things I would’ve WANTED (take note “wanted” not “needed”) to have just have to let go. For one, I would’ve hired a wedding coordinator who would assist me with every wedding detail, some things that I just couldn’t afford to do given my limited time availability. This person would have a name or place in mind in a flick of a finger whenever I need reputable suppliers with excellent service, and of course act like my “superwoman” during my moments of frustration. Then of course I would’ve wanted to spice up the food choices by also adding “meat carving” or having a “chocolate fountain” or a 5-tiered fondant cake or a cupcake tree or even an ice-cream station. I would’ve visited designers like Rajo Laurel, Patis Tesoro, Njork, Dita Sandico-Ong and other high-end bridal gown experts. For hair and make-up, I would definitely like to try Patrick Rosas or Propaganda Artists or Fanny Serrano (why not?) or Jessi Mendez. I would’ve chosen that beautiful shoes I saw in a bridal magazine by Lila Almario. Then had I been given a PC to tinker as I go home every night, I would’ve created our very own website (with the help of some techy friends I know). I would’ve booked with well-known photojournalists who can do a thousand and one prenuptial photos for Ayi and I. I would’ve created a photo gallery at our reception site. And my list goes on…

But on the whole, I realized that my wedding preparations will not be as fulfilling had I not experienced all these challenges. Infact, all the time we (my husband-to-be and I) went visiting places to meet suppliers, canvassing wedding stuff from QC to Recto to Quiapo to Divisoria in the middle of a scorching heat, was for me a time well spent together. So then, when the FINAL day comes, we will be filled with so much pride that finally, our dream wedding came true. For what matters most are not the things that spruce up this much-waited event but the LOVE that we have put into all these together.






Sunday, October 24, 2004

New Life

Five months from now, I will be embracing a new life together with the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, all I can hope for is that the Lord will magnify His presence to our lives even more.

The wedding preparations have so far given us both a chance to reveal our innermost thoughts on the kind of "celebration" we have each envisioned. What's more important, through our planning stages, we get a glimpse of each other's disposition in as far as how we envisioned the kind of "family relationship" we desire to have.

True, our different preferences surfaces once in a while but it is through this time that we have revealed our respect for each other in greater depths I never imagined. I would agree with what most people say that wedding preparation is indeed a test for the couple's commitment for an enduring love. It is where patience, honesty, selflessness, and trust are better exercised. It is altogether an "equipping" moment for us.

A friend of mine has given me such a wonderful write-up that speaks about the kind of life that awaits an enthusiastic wife-to-be and husband-to-be like Ayi and I. Allow me to share it with you.

A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
by Rev. Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married,share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see asfaults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.

Only days until our blessed union!
We are so !!! Ayi and Len's Wedding Album Weddings@Work
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